I know what you’re thinking.
Nope. I still don’t have any answers. And I still don’t feel like a grown up. Maybe slightly closer, but I still don’t even want to have to take care of a houseplant.
SIDENOTE: Somehow I manage to keep my dogs alive and happy. I don’t know how that works. Life Math is weird.
…Maybe I’m just not a green thumb.
My BFF Jo texted me yesterday and said, “It’s your last day as a 26 year old.”
At first I kind of panicked. Holy shitballs. 26. It’s over. I feel like it just started. I know it sounds like a super cliche, but in some ways, it really was like the blink of an eye.
I started this blog a year ago as a challenge to myself as a writer. Early in 2012, I kind of lost faith in myself. I hit a major rough patch and thought wow, maybe I’m actually a terrible writer. Maybe I have no idea what I’m doing. Maybe I don’t want to ever write again. Of course, I eventually came around and realized that writing is the thing I love the most. And in the same vein, I knew that if I wanted to be a writer, I’d have to write.
But I was kind of scared.
So I promised myself I would write something every day.
I wasn’t really expecting that forcing myself to write a blog post every day – a story that somehow led to me learning a life lesson, no matter how small – would help me be happy. I saw it as much more of an exercise than anything else. And an opportunity to maybe be funny. But I have to say, writing this blog has given me a completely different outlook on my entire life. It’s helped me understand how my past has made me who I am. It’s helped me work through a lot of difficult times and put a positive spin on things I would have never otherwise laughed at. It’s helped me approach life in a much more open, accepting way.
Like, happen to me, life: I’m ready to learn from you.
That was a disaster. Oh well, next time will be better!
I can’t believe that just happened. I am mortified. Also, that was hilarious. I can’t wait to tell people.
I did it! Someone pat me on the fucking back!
I hate everything right now. Surely someone will understand.
I am hurting. I need to know it’s going to be okay.
This is weird. Does everyone feel this way?
Did that just happen? SRSLY?!
At the same time, I had come to a bit of a crossroads with myself. I had hit a self-love low. I was feeling depressed, defeated, discouraged, you name it. I decided enough was enough: it was time to make the active decision to be happy.
I also discovered that Jayne Mansfield had stretchmarks. And my world was turned upside down. In a good way.
To quote myself (is that totally pretentious? I’m trying to recap, shut up.):
“Jayne Mansfield, the American actress, singer, Playboy playmate, and all around drop-dead gorgeous bombshell, was flawed in a way that has been the root of much of my self-consciousness for all of my teenage and adult life.”
So…all of that got me here.
SIDENOTE: It’s really hard writing the last post of a 365-day blog.
It’s going to be difficult to let this blog go. I know I’m going to wake up tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that and my first thought is going to be, “What can I write about today?” or, “Oh shit! I still have to blog today!”
But I’m looking forward to channelling my creative energy into a number of other projects that I’ve already either started or am about to. So I guess what I’m saying is I’m not going anywhere. Maybe there will be another blog. Maybe not. But I promise there will be something.
I was trying to think of a fun way to commemorate the end of this blog.
Here’s what I came up with.
Jayne Mansfield had stretchmarks.
And so do I.
P.S. It’s hilariously ironic that in the majority of the pin-up photos I took, my stretchmarks aren’t that visible. Because they’re everywhere.
But I guess there’s a life lesson in that, isn’t there?
I’m probably the only one who really notices them.
P.P.S. Things I meant to write but forgot: Happy Birthday to me! Also, here’s to 27! I’m crazy excited for it!