A couple weeks ago, I went out to the movies with a friend of mine and then we grabbed a bite to eat.
Oh, actually, now that I think of it, it was this night, AKA the night I ATE ALL THE FOOD.
Anyway, when I got home at the end of the night, I went to wash my face and noticed I had a bunch of black pepper in my teeth. My first thought was, “Why the fuck didn’t he say something?!”
SIDENOTE: It’s possible he didn’t notice. I would have had to smile pretty darn big for it to be visible. But still.
You see, I’m a person who will ALWAYS tell you if you’ve got “something” going on – if you have food in your teeth, if you have a strand of hair sticking out the wrong way, if your hanger strap or clothing tag is hanging out. I’m your girl. It’s not because I’m critical or anything. I’m not. I’m like, the least judgemental person. It’s because I would want to know if any of that were going on with me.
But as I was thinking about that, I was reminded of one of many hilarious moments I had as a teen.
In case you’ve forgotten, I was a goth when I was a teenager. A Marilyn Manson-obsessed, eyeliner-loving, eyebrow-shaving goth. So I wore a lot of makeup. I didn’t do anything too crazy – I didn’t like, wear black eyeliner tears dripping down my face or anything (no offense or judgement to anyone who did/does – you do your thing). But I was…creative?
There was one day that I was going out to run some errands with my mom and I was sporting some particularly interesting mascara and eyeliner. I had applied both as usual, but then I decided that I wanted like, eyeliner dots coming out from the corner of my eye toward the side of my face.
I really wish I had a photo to illustrate this. But I don’t. But imagine some cat eye eyeliner:
Only imagine it much messier and comprised of dots.
SIDENOTE: I don’t know what I was thinking. I was 13. Who cares? I was “finding myself.”*
So anyway, I was out with my mom and I remember specifically that we were at Future Shop and we couldn’t find what we were looking for, so we found a sales associate to ask for help.
We had been chatting with him about our needs for a few minutes when a natural silence fell upon the conversation. It was at that point that the sales associate turned to me, and very quietly said, “Uh…I think you have a little something…” and pointed to his eye/eyebrow region.
Being the super self-conscious, nerdy kid that I was, I tried to laugh it off.
“Ha ha!” I giggled nervously, “No, it’s supposed to be there.”
“Oh, okay.” The sales guy cleared his throat anxiously.
And then we all felt awkward.
People wear a lot of crazy shit these days. Like, how many times a day are you walking behind a girl in leggings or yoga pants when you realize you can clearly see her bum/underwear/thong?
SIDENOTE: I work both on campus and as a fitness instructor, so maybe my percentages are higher. Okay, they definitely are. But like, a MILLION TIMES A DAY it happens.
Hell, just last night I was out and saw a dude wearing gold spandex pants and it was like, junk-central. He might as well have been pantsless. It was all out there.
SIDNEOTE: Pretty sure it’s the look he was going for, because shortly after I spotted him, he started doing lunges, so good on him.
Um. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I understand why some people would hesitate to point out if “something” is going on, but:
(A) If the person is your friend, POINT IT OUT ANYWAY. Be tactful. But just in case. Do it.
(B) If it’s something in someone’s teeth, no exceptions. TELL THEM.**
*I’m nearly 27 and I feel like only NOW am I actually finding myself.
**Unless you hate the person. Then I guess do whatever.