If I named my blog posts, rather than simply using numbers, this post would have a long, two-part title, and it would be:

WHAT NOT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU’RE HAVING A BAD DAY, OR HOW TO BE A HOT, HOT MESS OF A HUMAN BEING.

It just so happens I’m an expert in this subject.

Where to even start?

1. ADD UP YOUR DEBT

When you’re feeling insecure and/or awful about life, definitely don’t go through and “re-evaluate” how much money you owe the world. Because if it’s a lot, like me – YAY MASTER’S DEGREE IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY! – it will just make you want to die a little bit.

will

I mean, just FYI.

2. GO ANYWHERE NEAR CANDY

Okay, maybe candy isn’t your thing (it’s my thing). Maybe you like chips, or french fries, or chicken wings, or whatever. Regardless. When you’re feeling shitty, definitely don’t go out and buy a bunch of whatever you feel like you desperately need to shove in your face to make yourself feel better.

Because it might work temporarily.

bean eat

But then you’ll get a ju jube tummy ache.

3. THINK ABOUT HOW YOUR BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP

Because, you know, you may find yourself making a list of ways you’ve gotten nowhere in a year, even when that’s not true.

Or you may just generally stress about getting older.

Or maybe about getting older and being broke.

Ready to party

Plus you may stress about throwing a party and no one showing up.

SIDENOTE: That worry should vanish after you turn like, 25. But it just gets worse, doesn’t it? Because at least when you were a kid, you knew people would show up for the treat bags.

4. GO TO YOUR EX (OR EXES) FOR COMFORT

Pretty self-explanatory. And – you would think – logical. I mean, the results of contacting an ex and being like this:

Feelingscan go a couple ways.

(A) He can attempt to listen and you can insecurely talk at him until he probably hates you (maybe even more than before, depending on your past and how you broke up). (Maybe he liked you before but he’ll discover a hate for you!)

(B) He can attempt to “listen”……and then offer you some comfort sex.

Wait..what the fuck? Argh. Because that gives you MORE FEELINGS to deal with. What a drag.

5. GO SHOPPING

Because “retail therapy” when you’re feeling sad and awful feels like this, no matter what you’re putting on and how well it fits you:

Cathy+Swimsuit+Cartoon

So yeah. Don’t do any of those things. They’ll all make it worse. I learned the hard way for you. You’re welcome!

xA

P.S. Dear anyone worrying about me after reading this: I’m actually fine. Thank you!

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