Halloween…….2005?

I think so.

I was going out with my friend Karly (the cat) to see another friend perform in a burlesque show at a goth nightclub.

I think I was dressed up as Liza Minnelli. (I wasn’t.) I was wearing a corset, a skirt, a top hat, and A LOT of makeup.

I’d dig out a photo for you, but my eyebrows are fucking crazy in it and I’m feeling vain today and I don’t actually know where the photo is anyway.

Everything was going totally fine. Until I tried to get anywhere.

Picture this: I approach Karly’s car, go to bend down to get in and realize that won’t work. I turn around and attempt a bum-first entry to no avail. Because OH YEAH, I can’t bend!

Finally, I decide I am going to have to FALL INTO the vehicle, while somehow keeping my body straight.

SIDENOTE: I promise  that if you put me in a corset today, I’d have more of a clue. I was young.

NOTE TO SELF: Get a corset.

I don’t know what to tell you, aside from I did, in fact, FALL INTO the vehicle. And then I pretty much slid down off the passenger seat until Karly was able to jump in on her side and recline the shit out out of my seat so that I was horizontal. I’m fairly certain I was yelling “Oh Jesus! Oh Jesus! Oh Jesus!” on a loop.

I buckled myself in and we drove to the night club, me looking like I was either too high or too drunk to sit up straight in the car like a normal person. By the time we got there, I was probably high on a lack of oxygen.

Once we parked and I ROLLED OUT OF the vehicle Tobias Fünke style, I was golden.

And everyone complimented my corset.

Lesson learned: Corsets are tricky, but sexy. Totally worth it.

corset1

I mean SHUT UP, right?

xA

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