Speaking of my love of Pilates, which I mentioned yesterday, here’s a funny story.
SIDENOTE: Sometimes my “funny” stories were awful when they happened, but funny to look back on. This one was instantly funny.
Okay, so on Friday I was having a pretty chill day. My original plans were to be in Canmore all weekend, but then the Southern Alberta floods hit, so I stayed in Edmonton. I decided that I would go down to my basement and try out a Pilates DVD I’ve had for years. I used to do it every single day while I was living in Glasgow, and hadn’t looked at it since, but in the meantime, I’ve been doing Reformer Pilates classes for the last year, so I figured I’d have a handle on it.
The DVD went great. It was a simple, but effective, work out. But then I got cocky.
I decided since I was already down on the mat, I was gonna try some stuff I had never attempted on a mat. See, in Reformer Pilates, you’re on a machine that helps keep you balanced, offsets your weight, and generally helps with a lot of body delicacies like back problems (which I am FULL OF). That doesn’t mean it’s easy, and it doesn’t mean you don’t strengthen your core. If anything, I’m about to be an example of the opposite.
My Pilates instructor Erin is laughing and shaking her head right now. I can feel it. She’s already heard this story. You should have seen the look on her face when I told her. (Hi, Erin! Don’t I make you like, crazy proud?!)
I started with a roll over prep and roll over. Here’s a video if you want a frame of reference:
For the record, this is something I’ve never been able to do. Like, not since I was a kid. In teenagerdom and adulthood, I’ve had such a weak lower back, it’s been impossible. But thanks to the last year, I did it no problem.
Holy shit, I thought to myself, I am a Pilates MASTER.
My error in judgement happened sometime while I was basking in the glory of doing a roll over. I’m not gonna pretend I didn’t get carried away. Why would I be writing about this if I didn’t? What’s the fun in that?
Since I was clearly excelling beyond my own expectations, I decided to kick it up a notch.
I bet I can do a jackknife, I told myself.
Here’s the jackknife:
Again, I do these on a Reformer all the time. They’re one of my favourite things to do because they stretch out your back like crazy and it feels so so good. But I’ve never done one on a mat. I knew I needed to use like, all of my abdominal strength to get up there, so I really engaged and prepared.
All right, Beça, I said to myself out loud, you can do this.
SIDENOTE: Yes, I do actually last name myself. Like, all the time. No, I am not a sports coach.
Guys, to say that I did it is an understatement. I did the jackknife, but I did it so hard that I got to the top way too fast and with way too much gusto, felt super victorious for approximately half a second, and then came crashing down.
Only I didn’t really crash down so much as over.
My legs went over my head, hit the dresser behind my head, and then slammed over to one side onto the ground with a BANG louder than I would have imagined my legs would make. Basically, I folded my body in half.
Before the final BANG, I had already started laughing. It would take about four hours for me to notice the stiffness in my neck and a good 24 hours for the goose egg and bruise to appear on my spine.
I am a Pilates MASTER!
Lesson learned: There are times in life during which you will be certain that you are, in fact, living in some sort of twisted, Truman Show type movie, and you just can’t see the cameras.
What? That’s it. I can’t prove I’m not. But I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve said, “Who DOES this shit?!” to myself.
P.S. You can still donate to the Alberta flood victims. Looking at the clean-up that is starting in Calgary now, it’s evident they are going to need it. Not just in Calgary, but everywhere. (Also, you can donate $5 at a time via text message if you’re with Rogers or Telus. With Rogers (and Fido), text “ABHELP” to 4664; with Telus, text “REDCROSS” to 30333.)