I keep a running notepad on my iPhone of ideas for my blog. One of them, which has been sitting on the list for a while, simply says, “I’m a loner.”
I know I already touched on my preferences during the zombie apocalypse, but when I saw this article (a BuzzFeed article entitled, “31 Unmistakeable Signs that You’re an Introvert,” for those of you who don’t feel like clicking the link because you hate to have fun) last night and read through it, I connected with it on so many levels.
I have like, crowd rage. Put me somewhere busy and I turn into an angry, angry woman. I hate the people walking too slowly around me. I hate the people walking too fast and making me feel rushed. I hate the people being loud or showy. I hate everyone. I’m sure they’re all perfectly good people; I just don’t want to be around them.
Having Enough Friends
I have an incredible group of friends. I put effort into making time to see them as much as possible, and into being there when they need me. Meeting new people is not only difficult, but it’s exhausting, mostly because I HATE SMALL TALK. Sometimes I meet someone and click with them instantly. They’re easy to talk to. These people tend to become my friends. If I meet someone and they have nothing interesting to say, I’m not going to work at it. I have enough friends to talk to.
(I feel like such a dick saying that, but also I don’t care. I’m torn, but not…)
Not Being Able to Party
Yeah. This ties into all of the above. Basically, if there’s a place to hide at a party that allows me to avoid being surrounded by too many people or being forced into awkward conversation with a stranger, I’ll take it.
My BFF Louise had a birthday party a couple months ago. One of the first things I asked her was, “If nobody likes me, can I play with the dogs?” When she told me her dogs would be with their grandma for the night, I nearly had an anxiety attack.
SIDENOTE: “If nobody likes me,” translates into, “If I feel like nobody likes me because I’m socially awkward” in this context.
Working From Home = HAPPY PLACE
Some writers worry about writing being a very solitary career. I fucking LOVE IT.
One of my friends was recently considering a summer job that would have him entirely off the grid for a minimum of six months. We went out for drinks and weighed out the pros and cons. The more we talked about it, the more he worried about missing his social circle. I, on the other hand, was like, “Wait, they’d let you bring a dog?! YOU’RE DESCRIBING HEAVEN.”
Wishing People Would Accept that I Don’t “Go out” Just Because it’s a Weekend
I do (wish they would accept it). I just do. Like, it’s not that I don’t ever want to go out, it’s just that I don’t often want to.
SIDENOTE: When I do want to go out, I am a hoot! A riot! A ton of fun!*
Here’s the thing: I worried for a while about not going out and socializing, because I thought maybe it wasn’t what people my age “do.” But then I realized something: I socialize with the people who mean the world to me. And it’s not like I am alone all day every day: I have three jobs. I’m busy. I’m around people a lot of the time. If I want to stay at home and spend time with my dogs and work on the thing that I’m most passionate about (writing) because it makes me genuinely HAPPY, that is totally cool. Because it’s who I am.
Lesson leaned: I’m a happy loner. And I’m doing just fine.
*I said I was fun, not cool.
P.S. This describes me pretty much 24/7: