“What are you up to?” My friend Louise asked me over the phone a few days ago.

“I was just blogging.”

The way it happens, I often write my blog posts the night before I post them. I wouldn’t have time to write them on days I work my office job unless I got up at like, 5am, which I’m definitely not going to do. But ultimately, it balances out, because I still write one post a day, and that was my goal, so I don’t worry about it too much.

“Oh, sure,” Louise replied, “That must like, work its way into the landscape of your day, hey? Like, have dinner, watch TV or whatever, and write your blog?”

I WISH.

Sometimes I go through these little winning streaks where I know exactly what I want to blog about for like, a week straight, and I don’t struggle to write the posts. They just flow. No stress. It’s amazing.

The other 90% of the time, however, my blog is a bit like a non-friend I didn’t plan on running into during a night out.

Yaaaaaaay

Or, as Louise puts it: “This fucking guy again?”

Exactly.

I have a whole list of blog post ideas on my iPhone notepad. I try to write my ideas down as soon as I have them so I don’t forget, but I can’t even count how many times I’ve forgotten to write shit down and gotten pissed off at myself.

Despite all of my ideas, I often struggle to write my blog.

Why?

Lots of reasons.

Sometimes I think I want to write about something, but when I start, it feels too personal, so I panic and erase it.

Sometimes things come out too angry/sarcastic/nonchalant/etc.

SOMETIMES NOTHING COMES OUT.

Sometimes I think I can write about something stealthily, but when I start, it’s very obvious who the other people in the story are, and I don’t want them to feel exposed/offended/upset.

Sometimes I’m just too stressed/tired/busy and I can’t find the actual focus to make my thoughts make sense.

SOMETIMES I JUST DON’T FEEL LIKE IT.

And so on.

When I started this blog, I should have also started a tally of the number of times I stayed up way too late freaking out over my next post. Like, I-have-to-get-up-at-6am-for-work-and-it’s-2am-and-I-have-NO-idea-what-I’m-writing-about freaking out. Tears of frustration freaking out. Pulling my hair out freaking out.

And yet, here I am. I should have been asleep an hour ago, but I’m sitting here writing this, and I’m feeling…yes, frustrated, but also a little excited. Because today is the official halfway mark. This is six months in.

If the actual process of 365-day blogging has taught me anything thus far, it’s that I may be a commitment phobe, but I’m also ridiculously stubborn, so when I tell myself I’m gonna do something, I do it.

Thanks to everyone who has read so far! I hope you all stick around for the next six months.

xA

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