It’s been kind of a weird week and my mind has been occupied by other things, so I’m not gonna lie, I haven’t been putting much time into thinking up brilliant blog topics. But last night, I was watching some of Jenna Marbles‘ videos on YouTube and I was inspired by one.*
Look, I’m just gonna spoil the lesson reveal right now and say hey, it’s 100% true: nobody’s perfect. If we were all perfect, we’d be super boring.
So, without further ado, here are just a few of the things I suck at (because I suck at lots of stuff):
I actually have like, pretty small hands. But they’re not overly delicate. At least not in the way they would need to be for me to be good at knots. Also, I don’t have nails. I HATE having long nails, so I keep them short short short. So yeah, I suck at knots. I suck so bad at knots that I’ve pretty much given up on them at 26. I find a knot in something and – not unlike a FIVE YEAR OLD – I find my mom, who is amazing at untying knots.
Shaving My Legs.
So I guess it’s obvious that (A) I’m not getting laid regularly,** but also (and by also, I mean (B)), that I just don’t care. I’m blessed to not have a ton of leg hair. When I really think about it, the fact that I only have to shave my legs like, every week should make me more willing to do it, but instead, I just assess the outfit and shave accordingly. Like, oh, today I wanna wear my capris to the gym? Better shave the bottom half of my legs!
And I’M SINGLE, fellas!
Let me tell you something: I used to rock at math. I used to get up early and do math problems for fun. Then high school hit, and I was homeschooling, and without the help I needed, my math skills went to hell, and they took my previous math skills with them.
If given time to really think it out, I can do okay(ish?), but ask me a spur-of-the-moment question that involves math and I’ve got nothing.
SIDENOTE: My mom gets really mad at me when I say I suck at math. It’s weird. She instantly goes into angry-defensive mode and shouts, “NO YOU’RE NOT!” It’s okay, mom. I’m allowed to suck at math. I’m super smart at other things.
Showing My Emotions.
This really depends on who I’m with and what type of mood I’m in, but contrary to what you might be led to believe (since I have a 365-day blog about my life), I’m a super private person.
SIDENOTE: Just imagine all the crazy shit I don’t tell you guys…
As such, I tend to hold all of my real emotions inside. “I’m laughing on the inside!” has become a running joke with my BFF Louise. I’m one of those super annoying assholes who says, “That’s really funny.” with a straight face and a verbal full-stop. But I mean it.
Same goes for showing pain, panic, sympathy, etc. Sometimes it’s like I’m made of stone. I’ll be freaking out during a presentation, for example, and then I’ll get off stage and ask my friend how I did and they’ll be like, “God, you were SO calm,” but really I’m drenched in sweat and I feel like I need a cigarette (I’m not a smoker, gross).
Again, I bet it often seems like I’m super technological and like, connected to the world via the magic of the World Wide Web, but let me tell you something: I’m pretty clueless and I’m not really worried about it, either.
This piece of plastic/whatever
SIDENOTE: Is that a picture of an iPhone 4 or 5? I have a 4. A nearly dead 4.
Everyone’s like, get this app, get that app, and I’m just like, honestly, I don’t want to be any further connected to my Facebook friends. I don’t even like half of them.
I think iCloud is magic, because I totally don’t get it. Shit just appears on my phone. Sometimes I’m happy it’s there. Sometimes I get enraged because my poor dead phone can’t handle much anymore.
I don’t understand how you could watch Netflix on a TV, because how do you get Internet on a TV?!
Oh, and guys, I still don’t know what FourSquare is.
But here’s the part of this story that may seem even stranger: I think the Internet is super creepy! Like, I know FourSquare has something to do with telling people where you are, and I don’t want people knowing where I am! It’s honestly a miracle that I haven’t had an Internet-paranoid freakout and deleted this blog yet.
The Internet scares me.
I suck at the Internet.
I suck at a lot of other stuff, too, but I think that’s enough. I can laugh at this list, but if I dwell, I may actually need to go out and buy cigarettes.
What do you suck at?
*I was actually inspired by lots of them. Check out Jenna Marbles, because she’s hilarious and her dogs are THE CUTEST (after mine).
***I mean the idea that you have to shave your legs to get laid. It’s totally true that I’m not getting laid.