Trust me, the irony is not lost on me that the most epic party I went to while I was living in Glasgow was at my flat. (Because I am not cool.)

I had just moved out of the nightmare flat and into my gorgeous new flat in Partick, so naturally, it was time for a flatwarming party. It was mid-November, and I had only moved to Glasgow in mid-September, so I was still getting to know all of my classmates/department-mates/their friends. I invited literally everyone I knew (see: 10 people, max.) and hoped it would be fun.

My Flatwarming: A Photo Essay

Things started super chill.
Things started super chill.
There were lots of healthy snacks.
There were lots of healthy snacks.
And then cider happened.
And then cider happened.
Things started to get blurry...
Things started to get blurry…
And somehow we ended up here.
And somehow we ended up here.

Once the drinks started flowing, party game suggestions started getting shouted out at random intervals.

Oh, party games.

It all started with a round of “Never Have I Ever…” or something along those lines. We’d go around in a circle drawing a card from the deck (who even brought that game to my flat?!), read it aloud, and if we had done the thing, we’d drink.

The tension started to rise when questions about dating/messing around with the same sex came up and couples started getting surprised at their partners’ responses.

Oh shit.

So we all decided to move on to a much, much better party game: SPIN THE BOTTLE.

Uh Oh

ShitShitShit

BabySmash

Look, in a nutshell, that was the night I made out with a lot of my friends (including my BFF Mags – what up, girl?) and not once with the guy I had a crush on.* But it was doomed from the start: some of the STB participants wandered away during the game, leaving only a few people sitting in a small circle on my living room floor, which started an argument, which left one of my friends crying in the kitchen, which led to some face slapping, and then more crying, and then a lot of drunken drama. (Which eventually faded away back into fun times, and then I remember one of my friends couldn’t even find my front door to leave, and then I remember mopping my floors at 3am because I’m a clean freak and I couldn’t sleep until my flat was at least 50% back to normal…)

But that is beside the point. The point is that Spin the Bottle ruined everything.

And it’s not the first time that’s happened to me.

FLASHBACK TO: Andrea in 2007

I’m at the epic cast party that ended my relationship with rum. We’re all in the hot tub, and seemingly out of nowhere, Kisses in the Rain produces a water-friendly, floating version of Spin the Bottle. (Seriously, where did it come from?) So we start to play, and basically it just turns into Kisses in the Rain and I making out in one corner of the hot tub while everyone watches on wondering when the hell we got together.

But then everything goes to hell (pun most certainly intended) when the very innocent, very religious blonde from my cast lands on one of her male cast mates. It goes to hell because her boyfriend is present. He acts like he’s cool with it (and he should be, because the cast mate could not be gayer if he tried), but shortly after the kiss (first spin, no tongue!), the two of them disappear into the house and start having a huge fight. In the end, they say everything’s fine, but they break up like, two days later.

So, lesson learned: You shouldn’t play Spin the Bottle past the age of 15.

WAIT A SECOND.

FLASHBACK TO: Andrea in grade seven

I’m at a slumber party at my friend Jessica’s house. A couple of the kids there drink too much Diet Coke (or alcohol – I don’t notice because I’m a goody-two-shoes) and eat too much candy and things get rowdy. Someone suggests Spin the Bottle. Ooh, fun! Exciting! Saucy! Only instead of being fun and exciting and saucy, I end up kissing one of my friend’s really gross boyfriends, who kind of looks like Seth Rogen, but not hot at all (yes, I think Seth Rogen is hot), and then I have to kiss Tyler-the-seventh-grade-bully’s “six pack”?

(SPOILER ALERT: he doesn’t have a six pack. Just a 13-year-old belly.)

So gross. So fucking gross.

Lesson learned: Spin the Bottle is NEVER A GOOD IDEA.

I know you’ve got a story to further back me up, so SPILL IT.

(Man, I’m on pun-fire right now.)

xA

*I realize in writing that that there were very few guys at my flat that night, so if you’ve narrowed yourself down to being my crush, you’re probably right. (I feel like enough time has passed for me to say it was my friend Graeme. I feel like my crush was beyond obvious.)

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