I don’t remember ever really believing in the Easter Bunny.

The same goes for Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and all those other characters kids are supposed to fall for.

I’ve always been a weird kid, so I never pictured this:

Easter Bunny

In my mind, it’s always been more along these lines:

DD Rabbit

Like, just who is this “Easter Bunny”? Why does he know where I live? Is he trying to lead me somewhere with this “egg hunt”? He’s gonna kidnap me, isn’t he? He’s gonna kidnap me and then eat me alive or something.

I don’t think my non-traditional parents ever said, “THEY DON’T EXIST” outright. I think it was more of a facial expression that accompanied the words. Like, “Yeah, that gift is from Santa.” Like implied air quotations: “Sure, the Easter Bunny brought you chocolate. Definitely.”

Basically, I learned pretty quickly that my parents are terrible liars.

Or maybe they were just protecting me from the truth.


Happy Easter, everyone.