Let’s talk about tattoos again for a second. I know I’ve mentioned that getting tattoos is like entering a lifelong sociological experiment, and I know I’ve mentioned that once you get a tattoo, everyone wants to show you theirs, but there’s another common misconception out there about people with tattoos…

When you get tattoos, people think you’re cool.

Look, I’m well aware that a lot of tattooed people are cool.


But that’s just not the case for all of us.

What do people think of me?

I’m tough.

If by “tough,” you mean I have a high pain tolerance, then yes, I am. Incredibly tough. I feel like I’ve had to withstand varying types of physical pain my whole life, from minor things like the sliver from hell to severe Osgood-Schlatter and Sever’s disease in my legs and feet from around age 10 to 20 (I’m still reaping the benefits of those) and scoliosis.

But if by “tough,” you mean I get into fights or I’ve been in a lot of trouble or something, then you definitely have the wrong girl. I will stand up for myself and/or my friends when I have to, but I’m also one of the least competitive and confrontational people ever. Hell, confrontation usually just makes me cry. Even when I know I’m right.

I know where to get drugs.

One of my friends definitely lives next door to a meth house, but that’s all I’ve got, people. And that being said, I wouldn’t even know what to say after knocking on that door. How much do drugs cost? I’m sure there’s lingo involved that you need to know, and I definitely don’t know the lingo. How much do you ask for? Are you allowed to say the name of the drug out loud, or do you have to use some sort of nickname so that you don’t sound like you’re actually asking for drugs?

SCENE: Andrea at a drug dealer’s doorstep

ANDREA: Um, hello, good sir.

DD: Whaddaya want?

ANDREA: Um, I’m after a bit of…Mary Juana, if you know what I mean.

The DD stares at ANDREA blankly.

ANDREA: A little bit of Mary J. Some “whacky weed,” as the kids say. Oh, and I need enough to make one marijuana cigarette. Oh shit! I mean, a hit? No, uh…

The DD slams the door in ANDREA’s face.


Oh yeah, and also, what would you even do with the drugs after you have them? I’ve never even smoked weed, so…

I like to party.

For some reason, people see my tattoos and they assume that means I’m a party animal. They think my Saturday nights look like this:


Party Rocking

When really, my Saturday nights look like this:



Oh, and:


And I really like it that way.

Lesson learned: I look a lot cooler than I am.