Remember the Easy Bake Oven?
So cute and pink?
Yeah, I never had one.
I had a Creepy Crawlers Oven.
Despite my aversion to bugs, I have always been about the darker, scarier side of things, even as a young child. I liked scary stories, “scary” movies, and apparently I preferred the Creepy Crawlers Oven to the Easy Bake Oven.
If you’ve never heard of it, the Creepy Crawlers Oven made “fruit snack” sort of things instead of muffin, cake, and cookie sort of things. You basically added water to some gross powder mixes, poured them into the mould, and “baked” them. When they “baked,” it smelled like burning plastic,* and the “fruit snacks” themselves made me feel kind of ill – especially this weird, pink, strawberry foam-type one – but I ate them anyway, because I was a chubby little kid with a serious love-on for candy.
So one day, I was “baking” some Creepy Crawlers “fruit snacks,” and I had had my fill. My lungs were full of burnt plastic smell and my belly was full of disgusting scorpion-shaped treats. It was time to call it a night.
I had the oven plugged in under the desk in our basement, so I crawled over and went to unplug it. It was kind of stuck, and it was kind of dark down there, so I moved in for a better grip…
And that was when it happened.
All of a sudden, my whole body was shaking. I felt like I was sitting on a massage chair or something, and try as I might, I could not let go of the plug. It was as though my hand had been super-glued to the metal prongs. After a moment, I realized that I was making an, “Ahhhhhhhhhh!” sound without even being aware of it.
Just as my mom came running down the stairs to find me, I was able to shake my hand free of the plug-in.
That was the day I learned to be careful when plugging and unplugging electronics. Otherwise you can electrocute yourself.
For at least two or three hours afterward, I felt like my blood was supercharged. I vibrated. I didn’t know it yet, but it felt like I was HIGHLY caffeinated. I was shivering, but not cold.
Fucking Creepy Crawlers.
Be careful, kids.
EDITED TO ADD: Wow! Okay! So the fact that I got electrocuted must have messed up my memory of this moment. One of my friends on Facebook mentioned to me that she didn’t realize that Creepy Crawlers were edible, and it occurred to me that they’re not! Creepy Crawlers were just weird, useless little toy bugs you could make, and you could blend the colours and such to have custom bugs. (Yay! NOT!) I had completed mashed up two different toys from childhood in my memory.
The disgusting “fruit snacks” that I made were, in fact, the product of a different toy, called Dr. Dreadful’s Freaky Food Lab. Here’s a picture:
They were, in case you hadn’t guessed already, DREADFUL.
For the record, the thing that electrocuted me was definitely the Creepy Crawlers Oven, because I will forever associate the smell of burning plastic with my electrocution. Hilarious.
*I will remember that smell until the day I die.
**I feel like I should defend my mom and say that this was like, the one gross thing she let me have. And by gross, I mean with totally artificial and questionable ingredients. I grew up in a house where we weren’t allowed sugary cereals or Pop Tarts, and I’m glad we weren’t. (Though at the time, of course, I just wanted a damn Pop Tart.)