Let me try to explain this bizarre train of thought to you.

Okay, first of all, I am a crazy magnet.

Then my beautiful friend Meredith made a hilarious Ed Gein* joke on my post about crazy roommates.

Then one of my friends tweeted about a song that had been creeping me out for a while, and this happened:

(Follow me on Twitter - I'm a riot!)
(Follow me on Twitter – I’m a riot!)

SIDENOTE: Our profile photos together = meant to be.

I just hated that song. I didn’t even know whose song it was, but this exchange reminded me of how gross I found it. Then yesterday, as I was driving home from work, it came on the radio (yet again) and I turned the volume way up so that I could listen to the lyrics.

And they are kind of fucked up.

So with that, I give you: Andrea’s Interpretation of Hedley’s Kiss You Inside Out

I don’t know if you’re ready to go (Doesn’t matter, ‘cos we’re going.)
Where I’m willing to take you girl (You’re welcome)
I will feel every inch of your skin (On my body, when I’m wearing it as a vest)
And you know I can rock your world (Meh)
Imma be the calm in the storm you’re looking for (…’Imma’? Really?)
I’ll be the shipwreck that takes you down (DREAM VACATION)
I don’t mind if you lie in my bed (But be careful, because…)
We can stay here forever now. (YOU’LL NEVER LEAVE!!!)
Ouuu oohhh (Being creepy makes me feel great!)
Turn off the lights (Don’t want you to see anything)
Take off your clothes (That’s a demand, not a question, P.S.)
Turn on the stereo (Gotta drown out the screams somehow)
Ouuu oohhh (More feeling good about murdering you)
Give up the fight (Speaks for itself)
I’m in control (…And again)
Why don’t you let it go. (I think in psychology, they call it ‘learned helplessnes’)
Yeah, I wanna know you inside out (A.K.A. I wanna bathe in your internal organs and rub them all over my naked body)
I’ll spend my life trying to figure out (IN PRISON)
Just close your eyes and shut your mouth (Just DIE, already.)
And let me kiss you inside out. (W.T.F?!)

And then there’s this part:
Let me love you, let me love you
Let me love you babe.
Let me love you, let me love you
Let me love you babe.
Let me love you, let me love you
Let me love you babe.
Let me love you, let me love you
Let me love you babe. (JUST LET ME.)

Who wants to have some fun, ladies?
Who wants to have some fun, ladies?
I'm a fun guy!
I’m a fun guy!

Lesson learned: There’s a fine line between romantic and creepy as fuck. (Like if Kisses in the Rain had actually been PLEASE LET ME KISS YOU IN THE RAIN. Or even worse, I’M GONNA KISS YOU IN THE RAIN WHETHER YOU WANT TO OR NOT. Context here.)


P.S. Can we just take a second to talk about the line, “Just close your eyes and shut your mouth”? Because Hedley,** if that’s what you really want, you’re totally doing kissing wrong.

*’Hilarious’ and ‘Ed Gein’ do not actually go together, but you know what I mean.

**I don’t know who Hedley is. Is it one guy, or a band? Whatever.