Firstly, for those of you worried about my sleep patterns, you will be proud to know that I went to bed at MIDNIGHT last night and got a solid eight hours! I feel about four years old making that announcement, but you know what? Feel free to throw some “look at you with your big sleep!” comments at me, because I’ll take what I can get.

Speaking of feeling about four years old, I started a new part-time job yesterday. It’s at an office co-run by the local university and the National Research Council, so it’s crazy official in a lot of ways (see: a LOT of paperwork to do to be allowed to work there).

So because it’s so official, I was feeling like quite the grown-ass woman going to my first day there. I put on my big-girl pants (see: nice black trousers, not skinny jeans or pyjama pants) and a nice blouse and made myself look professional.

SIDENOTE: Looking “professional” for me is kind of relative to being me, because then when I was being shown around the building and introduced to a lot of people during the day, I felt VERY young, VERY tattooed, and VERY half-of-her-head-is-shaved? But I can guarantee you I was well-dressed, well-groomed, and that I smelled fantastic. You know, as usual. NBD.

Anyway, my day was going really well. Everyone at the office is super nice and I have the best (see: THE BEST) office mate in the world. I was feeling capable, mature, and ready to take on the world! I had even navigated the science side of campus* all by myself earlier that morning without getting lost, so I basically thought I deserved some sort of award.

My boss asked me to deliver some paperwork to a few different people at what I’m just going to call our sister department. He works between two buildings and two job titles. It’s complicated and not important to the story, so blah blah. I knew exactly where I had to go and I was looking forward to the fresh air, so I jumped at the opportunity. I gathered my things and said with great confidence, “Brilliant, I’ll be back shortly.” And then I pretty much sashayed out the door like the sassy professional woman I am.**

I got down the hall and decided to take the stairs (because why not tone my butt while I’m working, am I right?). I went down to the ground floor and pulled at the door. Locked. Oh, right, this is why I was given a visitor pass (this job is so official you need security ID badges to get in and out of doors). I swiped my visitor badge: nothing. All right, so I figured I wasn’t allowed access to that floor via that particular stairwell. No problem! I walked back up the stairs to my floor and pulled at the door. Locked. Oh…okay. Surely I’d have access to my own floor, so I swiped my visitor badge: nothing. Oh…shit.

And then I felt like this:

Oh shit.

And about this big:

But not NEARLY as cute.

Thank goodness that I had tossed my phone into my pocket, which I wasn’t going to do when I left. Well, thank goodness, but also a part of me would have rather died in that stairwell than do what I had to do.

Less than two minutes after sashaying out of the office, I had to phone my boss.

SIDENOTE: My boss is like, super cool and casual, mostly because I don’t think he gives a shit what people think, because he’s the boss and he’s super cool and casual. So really that’s like a loop of coolness that I could never even dream of living in. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is when he answers his phone, he just says his last name, which for the purposes of this blog, I will change.

BOSS: MacGyver.

ANDREA: (In a trying-way-too-hard-to-sound-casual tone) Hi, Dr. MacGyver, it’s Andrea. I feel like an idiot. I think I went down the wrong stairwell…

And then I think he hung up. Only I couldn’t really tell because I was in a cement stairwell and the reception was sketchy at best, so I just started to panic while forcing my casual tone and say “hello?” over and over again. I didn’t stop until I heard someone running down the hall and my office mate freed me from captivity. I felt about four years old when he opened the door and smiled and said, “When Dr. MacGyver said stairwell, I knew exactly where you’d be.”

We reentered the hallway and my office mate gave my boss, who was standing way down the hall, an enthusiastic thumbs up (because he’s the nicest).

OFFICE MATE: I got her!

ANDREA: (Dying of embarrassment, gives a weak thumbs up)

And that’s when I learned:

(a) To always stay humble, and

(b) That I should definitely continue to embrace what a nerd I am, because it’s clearly working for me.

xA

*The alien side, says the girl with the arts degrees.

**Er, had become in the last 24 hours.

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