Your mom was right.

I mean moms were right, as a general rule. Like, in society or whatever.

It was just a phase. As much as I hate to give in to The Man here.

I was a super angsty teen. I joke about it a lot now. Hell, I did it yesterday. Someone was talking about listening to heavy metal when they work out and I laughed and said something about being a goth teen. I was all “Been there, done that! LOL!*”

I listened to heavy metal and dreamed about marrying Marilyn Manson. I bragged about how Slipknot was relaxing music to me, how it would make me tired and I could fall asleep to it.

SIDENOTE FROM PRESENT TENSE ANDREA: Maybe it did that because it was so obnoxiously loud and busy and my brain just went into overload-and-shutdown mode?

I bleached my hair and dyed it a new colour every three weeks. I shaved off my eyebrows and drew in new ones (OH DEAR GOD NEVER DO THIS! It has taken me over a decade to have ALMOST normal eyebrows again.) I wore crazy platform shoes and spike bracelets and tons of makeup. I had crushes on boys who wore lots of eyeliner and pleather pants.

Like Davey Havok:

Oh, the good old days.

SIDENOTE FROM PRESENT TENSE ANDREA: I am now in love with other kinds of boys in makeup. Usually the kind of boys who don’t like girls. But it’s like totally okay because we can be best friends and talk about all of the boys we think are cute, and then one day we can get totally drunk and have sex that one time and laugh about it for the rest of our lives.

AND: I haven’t kept up with Davey Havok or AFI, but based on recent photos, I feel like he might actually be one of the other kinds of boys in makeup…

It was my life. I was never going to change or grow out of it. It was WHO I WAS. FOREVER. “So quit trying to change me, mainstream society!!! I’m an individual!”

And then I changed.

Oh shit. Thank goodness I was too young to get that Avenged Sevenfold tattoo I thought I wanted.

It was sort of gradual. And it’s not like I’m some mainstream socially acceptable girl now or anything. (I do have tattoos, after all.) Starbucks wouldn’t hire me if I applied for a job there. They won’t even give me application forms because of how I look.** (WOE IS ME.)

But somewhere between then and now, I stopped listening to almost all heavy music and became obsessed with musicians like The Beatles, Belle and Sebastian, and Patsy Cline. (I actually find heavy metal – can’t believe I’m about to say these words – kind of noisy now.) I stopped wearing a lot of makeup and embraced the “naked” look. (OMG, buy the Naked 2 palette from Urban Decay. It’s RIDICULOUS.) I grew in my eyebrows (or I’m TRYING to, anyway). I like feeling happy. I teach obnoxiously upbeat fitness classes as a part-time job and I wear obnoxiously bright clothing while I teach them and I LOVE PITBULL. I stopped wanting to do Marilyn Manson and now I just wanna do Adam Levine, OKAY?


Life’s funny, isn’t it?


*I did not say LOL.

**Yes, for some reason, Starbucks is the epitome of mainstream, socially acceptable life in my mind.***

***Also, I like to drink Starbucks.